Past Quotes of the Day

Past Quotes of the Day
from the
Lavaca County Home Page
www.LavacaCounty.com
This Page Last Updated:
April 22, 2006

There is always ONE more bug!
- AND -
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
(Murphy's Law - He must have owned a computer!)

Education: You know you have learned something
when you realize you don't know s _ _ _.
Unknown

"I never had sexual relations with that woman" -- and -- "But I never inhaled"
-- Bill Clinton

I don't make jokes.
I just watch the government and report the facts.
--Will Rogers

Lost deep in the woods miles from anywhere?
Throw that compass away!
Never mind where the moss is growing on the trees, the location of the sun...
Simply find a secluded camp house and note the direction of the DSS satellite dish
- You have now found South!
--Steven Boehm

We owe to the Middle Ages the two worse inventions of humanity
-- romantic love and gun powder.
--Andre Maurois

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
--Steve Landsberg

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments."
--Earl Wilson

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
unknown

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
-- Herm Albright

"As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in schools."
--Jeremy Kalan

The world is full of willing people; some wiling to work,
the rest willing to let them.
--Robert Frost

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
--Albert Einstein

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage.
--James Holt McGavran

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them
to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
--Phyllis Diller

What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.
--Benjamin Disraeli

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex
- but Congress can.
--Cullen Hightower

Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive,
but what they conceal is vital.
--Aaron Levenstein

"You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun
than you can with a kind word alone."
--Al Capone

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally
you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
--Elizabeth Taylor

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
-unknown

There are only two truly infinite things, the universe and stupidity.
And I am unsure about the universe.
--Albert Einstein

A serious and good philosophical work could be written
that would consist entirely of jokes.
--Ludwig Wittgenstein

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
--Thomas Edison

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first,
and call whatever you hit the target.
--Ashleigh Brilliant

"Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something
that you said couldn't be done."
-- Sam Ewing in Mature Living

When choosing between two evils I always like
to take the one I've never tried before.
--Mae West

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
--Henry Kissinger

If you tell the truth, remember to make them laugh or the people will kill you.
--George Bernard Shaw

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
It is never any use to oneself.
--Oscar Wilde

The right to be heard does not automatically include
the right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert H. Humphrey

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President;
I'm beginning to believe it.
--Clarence Darrow

New computer system just unleashed - the Clinton Computer!
Has a 6 inch hard drive and no memory.
-Anonymous

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards,
if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
--Ronald Reagan

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.
-- George Carlin

Luck is a word used to describe the success of people you don't like.
--Charles Javis

World Ending In Year 2000?
If the world comes to an end in 2000, I'd want to be in Lavaca County --
everything gets here 10 years later!
--Steven Boehm

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
-- Leonard Levinson

Please Lord, let me prove to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me
--(Anonymous t-shirt plea), Wireless catalog, 1994

If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z.
X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
--Albert Einstein

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history,
with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
-- Jose Cuervo

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
--Robert Frost

Bite the wax tadpole.
-Coca-Cola name as originally translated into Chinese
(later changed to "May the mouth rejoice").

A synonym is a word you use
when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
--Burt Bacharach

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
--Franklin P. Jones

Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.
--Ad slogan "Pepsi comes alive" as initially translated into Chinese.

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

"Madness may be a sane response to an insane world,
and insanity breeds special preceptions."
--R.D. Lang, psychologist

Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger
of taking educated people seriously.
--G.K. Chesterton

Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people,
but they may be dying of something else anyway.
--Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on Chlordane.

There’s a fine line between fishing
and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
--Steven Wright

You couldn't even prove the White House staff
sane beyond a reasonable doubt.
--Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something
completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
--Douglas Adams

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
-- Jackie Mason

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
-- Brooke Shields, on why she wanted to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.

There is one difference between a tax collector
and a taxidermist – the
taxidermist leaves the hide.
-- Mortimer Caplin

Reality always asserts itself through surprises,
and that's part of what makes life worth living.
--John Walker

A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one.
He would have to ask an engineer to do that.
--Gordon L. Glegg, American Engineer, 1969.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where did I go wrong ?'
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night'.
— Charlie Brown.

Even very young children need to be informed
about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully
to your child.
This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
—P. J. O'Rourke

Human beings are the only creatures
that allow their children to come back home.
--Bill Cosby

There are two kinds of people,
those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

Under capitalism, man exploits man.
Under communism, it's just the opposite.
--John Kenneth Galbraith

As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame,
I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -
so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
--M. Cartmill

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
--Oscar Wilde

We're all capable of mistakes,
but I do not care to enlighten you
on the mistakes we may or may not have made.
--Vice President Dan Quayle

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
--Charlie McCarthy

War is too serious a matter to entrust to military men.
--Georges Clemenceau

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
--Bob Wells

Neurotics build castles in the air,
psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
--Rita Rudner

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